The First Times
by BoothBonesLover1
Summary: One shots of Damon and Elena finally giving in to each other inspired from every episode of the show, starting with Season 2. Some are sweet, some are smutty, some are angry - but everything is about Damon and Elena. Rated M for a reason!
1. S 2, E 1: The Return

**Author's Note: There was an author that I loved in the Bones community called ForAReason, and she had this story called "The Kiss That Missed". The premise was that she could get a kiss scene for Booth/Bones out of every episode, and it was such a good story. This uses that premise in regards to Damon and Elena, although, I am not starting with Season 1, since that's them getting to know each other, I'm starting with Season 2. So each chapter of this story will be a one shot drawn from an episode of Season 2 and then Season 3 where Damon and Elena finally give in to each other. Sometimes they will be post eps, sometimes they will be in the middle of the ep, just depends where I see it best. Sometimes they will be smutty, sometimes sweet, again, just depends on what I see fitting the situation the best.**

**I hope you enjoy the ride that we're about to take together. Please Read and Review - reviews are the most amazing reward for writing, and the ones with critiques just help me improve :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and the dialogue in the conversation that Damon and Elena have on the porch is lifted directly from the episode.**

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><p><strong>Season 2, Episode 1: The Return<strong>

Damon had kissed her. Damon – had – _kissed_ – her. Well, really, he'd kissed Katherine, but he thought that he had been kissing Elena, and that was what mattered. And she didn't have a damn idea in her head of what to do about it.

Elena couldn't tear her mind from the Damon/Katherine kiss – and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since the moment she'd heard. Damon had felt strongly enough about her that he had taken the leap to kiss her. And it hadn't been her who had gotten to experience it! She didn't know if it had been sweet, gentle, and chaste – or rough, frenzied, and passionate. She didn't know if 'she' had responded eagerly, fisting her hands in his raven hair. She didn't know what he had tasted like, if he had slipped his tongue into 'her' mouth. She didn't know anything, and that bothered her. She couldn't decide if she'd gotten lucky that it was Katherine there, and that all the blame for the situation was falling on Damon – or if she was disappointed…

Even the thought of being disappointed made a wave of guilt wash through her and she desperately tried to push the entire thing out of her head until she spied the very man she had been thinking about standing on the Lockwood porch, an ever present tumbler of alcohol in his hand, and a pensive expression upon his otherwise perfect face.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be right there, okay?" Elena said to her Aunt Jenna and Jeremy as she broke away from them and headed in Damon's direction.

She walked up to him tentatively, a little unsure of how to approach him. It was as if she really was approaching him after a first awkward kiss, and neither of them knew how to act around each other anymore. "Hey… How are you doing?"

He gave a slight sarcastic chuckle. "Great, Elena. Walking on sunshine, thanks for asking…" He turned to her with his customary smirk plastered across his face like a mask, but she knew deep down he was hurting. He had to be hurting. He had put himself out there, put his feelings on the line, and then realized that the whole thing had been a cruel joke.

"Damon..." Elena started, with a tone of voice the conveyed that she clearly did not believe his brave and sarcastic façade.

"Elena…" he interrupted, mimicking her concerned tone of voice.

"We should be able to talk about this," Elena implored him, as he turned his face away to take a gulp of his drink. They _needed_ to talk about this. She needed to know why it had happened. She needed to know what had happened. She needed to know how Damon felt about it. She didn't even know why she needed these things, but she knew that she wanted answers to her questions badly – much more than she should considering she was with Stefan. "Damon, we're close enough now. I really want to know how you're doing."

He was silent for a second, the corners of his lips turned down as he thought of how to respond. "I kissed you… I thought you kissed me back… doppelganger hijinks ensued…" he smiled mirthlessly, shrugging slightly, and turned to look her in the eye, "How do you think I'm doing?"

"I think that you're hurt," Elena replied instantly, knowing 100% that she was right. She could see his disappointment that it hadn't been her on the porch, that the special moment he thought that they had shared had turned out to be her vampire doppelganger. She could see that whatever hope he'd been building that she might feel something for him as well had been shot down when he realized that it had not been her that had returned his kiss.

Damon scoffed at her assumption, "Ummm, no, I don't get hurt, Elena…"

"No," Elena interjected forcefully, stubbornly, "You don't admit that you get hurt. You get angry and cover it up, and then you do something stupid." She really didn't want him to do something stupid.

Damon smiled a small smile as he realized what she was feeling. He looked down into her face, eyes catching hers. "You're scared."

Elena looked a little taken aback, but recognition flashed in her eyes that she was indeed a little scared. She had witnessed him do some terrible things in his short time in Mystic Falls, and despite the fact that he seemed to be taking her encouragement 'to be the better man' in stride, she knew he was still capable of lashing out in a pretty horrific manner.

"You think Katherine's going to send me off the deep end, don't you?" he continued, allowing himself a small smile at the look of truth on her face. She did care, and he knew it. She dropped her eyes from his, unable to keep the contact going any longer. He didn't need Katherine to send him off the deep end, he had her. "I don't need her for that."

She felt her heart squeeze painfully as he brushed past her, causing her arm to tingle where he had touched her, and started to walk away leaving her silent and unsure of what to do next. She was surprised to hear his voice a second later when he stopped and turned back to look at her back. "You know what?"

She turned to face him, and saw him standing with his tumbler in his hand, just a few feet from her, a pained look on his vulnerable face.

"Why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?" Damon asked, eyes locking with hers as if daring her to tell the truth.

"That's not a surprise," Elena replied without hesitation, and it wasn't a lie. She had been an equal part of this burgeoning relationship that they had, and she knew just as well as he did that there was something between them. It didn't surprise her in the least that Damon would try to act on it when he saw an opportune moment, despite the fact that she was clearly dating Stefan. Damon obviously wasn't expecting such an open and honest answer to his question, and she could see it in his eyes. She knew that the next words out of his mouth were going to be hurtful, but she forced herself to say them anyway. She had too. For Stefan. She was with Stefan, and she couldn't let this thing with Damon keep growing. She was honorable, she was pure, she was faithful. She _loved_ Stefan, she told herself. She was _in love_ with Stefan, she reassured herself. Stefan, not Damon. She had to say the words, she had to shatter his illusion that there was something between them – even if she felt it too. "I'm surprised that you thought I would kiss you back."

She saw the mask slip away from Damon's face, and watched as his jaw clenched as he tried to process the words that she had just said. She could see the pain in his eyes as swallowed harshly, his eyes struggling to meet hers. He nodded at her and she could see him desperately trying to put his walls back in place. "Now I'm hurt."

She felt guilt race through her as he turned away and she was about to apologize, tell him she didn't mean it, and that she felt whatever this was growing between them. She wanted to tell him how desperately she wished that she had been there. That it had been her, not Katherine, who had gotten to experience such a precious moment, but she couldn't quite bring herself to say it, and Bonnie walked up, interrupting any chance that she might have had to redeem herself in his eyes.

"Elena," Bonnie said, worry clearly lacing her voice.

Elena and Damon both focused on the worried witch, their conversation pushed to the side. "Bonnie, what happened?"

Elena paced back and forth across the hardwood floor of the bedroom that she had found in the upstairs of the Lockwood house. As soon as Bonnie had told them about her encounter with Katherine, Damon had issued Elena instructions to get inside and hide upstairs while he went to investigate, and he took off, drink still in hand. Bonnie had quickly followed him, and Elena was left to find some place to hide out until she knew that the coast was clear. So here she was, pacing back and forth across a lonely bedroom, with only her thoughts for company, and of course, those thoughts were once again focused on Damon and Katherine and herself and Stefan.

_Katherine_. It freaked Elena out to no end to have someone roaming around town that looked like her. That people thought was her. That talked like her. That walked like her. That _kissed_ like her. That Stefan and Damon would and could think was her. What had Katherine said and done while masquerading as Elena? What destruction was she going to wreak on this town that people would inevitably blame on Elena – because really, who would believe she had a 500 year old doppelganger roaming around town creating chaos? She wanted her gone. And dead. Really fucking dead. And she really wanted Damon and Stefan to have the satisfaction of staking the bitch through the heart. She was pretty confident that Stefan could go through with it, but Damon? Of him she wasn't so sure. Up until just recently, he had spent the better part of a century and a half infatuated with the woman, desperate to find her, free her, and rekindle their romance. Elena felt a twinge of jealousy start to spread through her at the thought of Damon feeling anything for Katherine, but she forced herself to squash it and tried to focus on Stefan's face in her mind.

Stefan. Stefan. Stefan. Stefan. Stefan. She chanted his name like a mantra, desperate to bring her focus to the handsome, charming, brooding vampire that loved. Love - why did the word feel so strange to her now in conjunction with Stefan? She had been so sure of the relationship that she had with Stefan, and so sure that what they had was unbreakable. What had changed from what she had felt even just a month before when she had been so sure of the bond that she shared with Stefan? The blood had revealed a side of him that Elena hadn't realized was there, that if she was being honest with herself, she didn't really like. He was wild, mean, uncontrollable – completely different than Damon on human blood. Stefan had let her down, and who had been there to fill in when she needed someone? Oh that's right… Damon.

As much as she was trying to keep her mind off of the conversation that she had just shared with him, it seemed that all roads kept leading back to Damon. The look that been on his face when she had told him that she was surprised that he had actually thought that she would kiss him back kept flitting into her mind, making her uncomfortable. He had actually looked like a real man for a moment, a man with feelings and emotions, a man who could be hurt by something that she said.

This was all her fault. She had been pushing him to accept his feelings, accept his humanity, be a man, not a vampire, and when he did those things, and finally embraced and accepted some real feelings, she had to say something which would hurt him deep down, make him regret letting her in, and make him tempted to flick the switch off again.

But really? Falling for her? After the debacle that happened with Katherine and Stefan? What the hell was Damon thinking allowing himself to feel something for her and possibly create a new love triangle between them all? This was all his fault, not her fault! He deserved to be hurt! She wouldn't have started feeling something for him if he hadn't been actively pursuing her! Or if he didn't have such amazing blue eyes, or such soft and delectable looking lips, or if he wasn't so charming, or if didn't smell so damn good. God damn it. She had to stop thinking about Damon!

_Knock. Knock_. She stopped her incessant pacing and glanced up at the door.

"Elena?" she heard a soft whisper outside the door, and another gentle knock.

"Who is it?" she asked quietly, standing completely still, trying to control the fearful increase in her breathing.

"The devil himself," came the sarcastic response, and she simultaneously relaxed at knowing it was someone safe on the other side of the door, while still feeling angry at him for making her feel such ridiculous things. She marched over to the door, unlocked it, and pulled him inside, quickly closing the door, and locking it again.

"Where's Katherine?" she asked, looking up at him, and she found herself caught in the mesmerizing blue orbs.

"Gone for now…" he replied. She breathed in deeply, trying to control her heartbeat, but realized that it backfired when she got a deep whiff of his cologne and unique 'Damon' scent – making her a little dizzy. Damon immediately picked up on the increase in her heartbeat, and stepped closer to her, a smirk blossoming on his face. She may have hurt his feelings earlier, but he still knew what he did to her physically, and it seemed that he was fully prepared to exploit that to make her feel uncomfortable as payback.

Elena stepped back a few steps, desperately trying to put distance between them, but Damon kept moving forward until she felt herself backed up against one of the big posts of the four poster bed that dominated the room. "Damon…"

"Elena…" he said softly, seductively, and she felt herself flush with heat at his husky voice, her eyes flashing back up to lock with his.

She found that she had nothing to say at all as she stood there, back to the post, breathing heavily, utterly unable to look away from him. She couldn't think about anything other than him, standing so close to her, and the tingling that was starting to spread throughout her body. When she did find the strength to say something, her voice came out soft and wavering, no conviction at all. "Back off, Damon…"

"You think I'm scared, Elena?" he asked, referring to their earlier conversation, his eyes flashing with heat, "Well, I think you're just as scared, I think you feel terrified of what you feel, of us, and I feel terrified too. But I don't just feel, Elena, I also know some things. I know that you feel something for me, even though you think that you shouldn't. I know that if I kissed you right now, that you wouldn't be able to resist, that you wouldn't be able to stop – and you know it too. I _know_ that if I kissed you, all thoughts of Stefan would be gone – and you know it too. I _know_ that if I kissed you, we would be like a fucking volcano erupting, that nothing could get in the way – and you know it too." He stepped closer to her, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him. Her heart was pounding as she listened to him tell her all the things that deep down she knew to be completely true.

"You're really surprised that I think that you would kiss me back, Elena?" his voice was soft, husky, his eyes mesmerizing, and she was hanging on his every word. She felt trapped in his gaze, and she wondered if being compelled felt anything like this – utterly captivated. He brought his hand up to caress her cheek lightly, and then dropped it down to her waist, resting it gently on her hip, causing her to gasp softly at the electric touch. She felt it through her clothes as if it was scorching her, and she tried to take a step to the side and shake it off, but immediately felt his other hand come to rest on her other hip, trapping her there. She knew that if she really pushed he would let her go, but as soon as she felts his thumbs start to move in slow sensuous circles on her sing, she lost all the will power to try and extricate herself from his touch.

"I _know_ that you would kiss me back because I know the reactions that you have around me, Elena," he whispered, his mouth dropping so it was right next to her ear. Elena gasped at the new contact of his chest against hers, and the feel of his lips on the shell of her ear. "Every time I'm near you, your heart rate speeds up, your breathing gets heavy. Every time we talk, yours eyes drop to my lips, and I can practically see you thinking about kissing them. Every time we're in the same room, you're drawn to me like a moth to flame – even when you're with Stefan you're looking to me, thinking about me, reacting to me. And most of all, I know that you would kiss me back, because every time I'm close to you I can sense the arousal radiating from you in waves. I can practically feel the desperation to be near me screaming from your every pore. I can smell your primal need for me right here…" he moved one of his hands from her waist and lightly, boldly, brushed it against the apex of her thighs, and she gasped at the tiny bit of friction. He was right. He was so, so, so, so right, and she knew she needed him to touch her where he'd just teased her so lightly. She let out a shuddering breath, and pushed her center towards his receding hand without even thinking about it.

He pulled away from her so he was standing about two feet away, and she groaned in disappointment to lose the feel of him against her. Her eyes snapped up to his, and she saw the desperate need that she felt reflected in his eyes and across his beautiful face.

"Damon…" she whispered brokenly, ashamed at wanting him and his touch as badly as she did.

"Elena," he responded, a pleading note in his voice, "I can't let myself give in to you and then find out it wasn't real, again. I need you to come to me this time…"

Her heart almost broke to see the desperate need for acceptance on his face, and she knew that more than anything, he couldn't take being rejected by her again. She made her decision in the blink of an eye, and launched herself at him, body slamming into his as his lips crashed down onto hers. She almost cried in relief as she felt his tongue slip into her mouth, twisting and turning around hers. He backed her up against the bed as her hands fisted in his hair, desperate to keep his lips attached to hers. His hands were everywhere, their touch burning into her feverish flesh. She felt like she was being consumed by Damon, she could feel the waves of emotion rolling off of him as he slipped his hands down around her ass, hauling her up against him, and she eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist, desperate to be closer to him still. She felt his erection against her core and she tore her lips from Damon's, throwing her head back in sheer relief as she ground against him, relieving some of the sweet friction that was growing stronger by the second.

"Fuck, Elena," Damon moaned, placing desperate open mouthed kisses down the column of her neck, sucking in just the right spot to make another rush of wetness pool between Elena's thighs. "You don't have any idea what you do to me…"

"Oh my god, Damon," she gasped out as he dropped her onto the soft bed, hands immediately going to the front of her shirt and ripping it open. She felt dizzy, drugged, elated, and as she felt him push her bra to the side and latch his hot wet mouth onto one of her painfully tight nipples, the thought crossed her mind that she would never be able to go back from this. Never. She would never be able to look at Damon and not want him right where he was at that moment, and she would never be able to look at Stefan and not want Damon standing there instead. As Damon switched to her other breast, she found that she couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty about what this was going to do to Stefan – she just knew that Damon had been right. This was a volcano erupting, and they would destroy everything in their path to get what they wanted, needed, and he was something that she wouldn't be able to live without.

She pushed him back and as he lifted himself off of her for a second, she sat up and took advantage of the moment to divest herself of her tattered shirt and her bra, baring her upper body to him completely as he quickly got rid of his leather jacket and classic black t shirt. He looked at her in absolute awe, and she flushed pink with embarrassment.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Elena," he said softly, reaching out to pull her to him in a passionate kiss. She kissed him back just as forcefully, unable to get enough of the taste of him, the feel of him. She reveled in the feel of his soft skin and hard muscle under her small hands, and she couldn't stop running her hands up and down his perfectly sculpted chest.

"God, I want you so fucking badly, Damon," Elena admitted between drugging kisses, and she felt so relieved to admit the truth to herself and to him finally that this was what she wanted so badly. He pushed her back onto the bed and made quick work of her jeans and her panties, leaving her bare before him. He pulled her right to the edge of the bed, and laying with her legs spread before him, she expected to feel embarrassed, but the insatiable hunger that was so clearly visible on his face made her feel sexy, empowered. He leaned down towards her center and gave a long hard lick up the length of her center, causing her to buck off the bed in pleasure.

"Christ, Elena," he ground out as he kicked off his pants and dove back down to suck on her clit again, "You taste so fucking good…"

He slipped two fingers inside her, causing her to arch off the bed, eyes snapped shut, as he swirled his tongue around her incredibly sensitive nub, and she almost came right then and there. He pumped his fingers in and out, bringing her to the edge of what she could tell would be a mind blowing orgasm, and she thrashed around on the bed, desperate to find something to hold onto – or to scream in.

"Fuck, Damon, I want to come with you inside me," she cried out, feeling the electricity start to crackle through her limbs. She almost wept at the loss of his tongue on her clit, and then almost wept in happiness a second later when she felt the tip of his erection rubbing up against her opening. She squirmed closer to the edge of the bed, to him, desperate to feel the exquisite friction.

"Elena," Damon asked, his voice soft and serious, and she stopped moving, eyes meeting his. "Are you ready for this?"

She smiled at him and sat up, pulling his mouth down to hers in a scorching kiss. She pulled back, panting, and looked at him through her lust glazed eyes. "I am so ready for this, Damon."

He took that as all the encouragement that he needed and thrust up into her in one swift stroke, and she felt her world fly apart as she came long and hard, a desperate cry slipping from her mouth.

She fell backwards back onto the bed as Damon pulled out and then drove back in suddenly, and she moaned in pleasure along with him as she started a slow but steady pace, thrusting in and out of her. She came down from her orgasm induced haze, and opened her eyes, mesmerized by the sight of him pounding into her, muscles tight, eyes locked on hers, hands gripping her hips with such need. He was entirely focused upon her, and it was the most beautiful thing that she had ever seen.

"Faster, Damon," she moaned out in encouragement, and she brought one of her heads up to her breasts while slipping the other one down in between them, moaning at the increase in pressure against her clit. Damon's eyes were glued to hers in wonder as he watched her pleasure herself.

"God, you're the sexiest thing I've ever seen, Elena," Damon panted, slowing his pace for a second to lean down to give her a bruising kiss, and then pulled back, picking up his pace to faster than before.

"Fuck, Damon," she cried out as he picked up his pace, thrusting into her with a force that was leaving her dizzy and breathless, "That f-feels sooooo g-good."

She could feel the tension rising again, and she pushed herself up towards him, groaning at the change in friction it provided her, and she used one hand to pull his head down to hers, capturing his lips fiercely, thrusting her tongue into his mouth in and effort to match the pace he was keeping up at her core. He reached between them to play with her clit and she broke away from his lips, desperate to catch her breath, and he took advantage of the exposed column of her throat, nipping and kissing it gently. She could feel herself racing towards the edge of the precipice of orgasm once again, and she wanted Damon to come with her, she wanted to see him fly apart because of her.

"Shit, Elena," Damon moaned into her neck, his thrusting starting to become erratic.

"Come for me, Damon," she breathed into his ear, nipping the shell with her teeth, and with one more flick of his thumb against clit, she cried out in ecstasy, the tension that had been building within her releasing like a slingshot – electric currents spreading through every nerve of her body.

"Fuck, Elena!" he cried out, and he buried himself deep inside her one more time, the ripples of her orgasm bringing his on. She kissed him hard as she felt him tense and release himself into her, his breathing labored and uneven.

They collapsed onto the bed, and he rolled off of her, careful not to crush her with his weight, but still cradling her in his arms gently, his fingers rubbing gentle patterns into her back. She desperately tried to catch her breath as a contented and sated feeling that she wasn't sure that she had ever felt spread through her mind and limbs. She was pretty sure that she could stay right where she was for the rest of her life, laying in Damon's arms, not a care in the world. She couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty about Stefan. They lay in sweet silence for a few minutes, neither feeling the need to speak until the head a loud noise from downstairs that interrupted their shared reverie.

"Wow," Damon murmured, leaning over to kiss her gently. "You are amazing."

Elena kissed him back softly, blushing at his compliment. "You're not so bad yourself."

She sat up, looking around the room for her clothes, and she spotted her bra lying in the floor a few feet away. She slid off the bed onto her jelly like limbs, and he chuckled, watching her unsteadily move across the floor.

"So, I guess that it's not really _that_ much of a stretch of the imagination to think I'd kiss you back…" Elena said, laughing softly as she slipped her bra back on. She held up her ripped shirt and glared at Damon pointedly. He grinned widely at the sight of the ruined garment and moved gracefully off of the bed to retrieve his leather jacket, tossing it to her before slipping into his black t shirt.

"What now, Elena?" Damon asked, coming back over to stand in front of her, pulling her up to rest flush against him. She could see the question in his eyes – what did this mean?

"Now?" Elena asked, innocently, cocking her head to the side. "Now I think that we go find Katherine and stake that bitch."

Damon laughed heartily, leaning down to capture Elena's lips in a possessive kiss. He pulled back and caught her eyes with his again. "Elena, I meant with us. You know, and with Stefan."

Elena sighed, unsure of what to say, but she could see the insecurity in Damon's eyes. "Damon, I can't promise that this will be easy, and I don't know what I'll do about Stefan, but I can tell you that you and I are just beginning, and I can't go back from this."

Damon smiled at her, his eyes full of life, "Better make sure I don't get killed then when he and I duel over your honor."

She leaned up to kiss him again, "No one gets to kill you but me, Damon. That's my right now."

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><p><strong>So... what did you think? Hopefully you enjoyed it, and hopefully you stick around to read more :)<strong>


	2. S 2, E 2: Brave New World

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the incredible response to the first installment. It made me so motivated to watch the second episode and dive right into the second installment. Having said that, episode two was a little lacking in good Damon/Elena moments, so this scene gets inserted after the Jeremy/Damon/Jeremy's poorly whittle stake scene, and Stefan coming to take Elena to the top of the ferris wheel (which for the purposes of this story never happens).**

**If you are interested to know where my mind was at during the writing of this slightly angstier installment - I was listening to Florence and the Machine's 'No Light, No Light" over and over (which, btw, was a perfect song to have as the background to Adam and Cassie's first time in The Secret Circle last week). I love this song, and I feel like it's a great Damon/Elena song. **

**I hope that you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always read, and review, because it makes me happy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Damon, Elena, Jeremy, his poorly whittled stake, or anything else to do with the Vampire Diaries.**

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><p><em>No light, no light in your bright blue eyes<em>

_I never knew daylight could be so violent_

_A revelation in the light of day _

_You can't chose what stays and what fades away _

_And I'd do anything to make you stay_

_No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine_

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><p><em><strong><strong>_**Season 2, Episode 2: Brave New World**

Elena snuggled down underneath her covers, desperate to find some sleep after the disaster that this day had turned out to be. All she had wanted was a normal day. One normal day with no vampires, no witches, no doppelgangers, and especially no D-word. Clearly that was too much to ask for in the town of Mystic Falls – her day had been impacted by every one of those things, and now all she wanted to do was sleep and pretend that the past week hadn't happened to her.

"Goodnight, Elena," Jeremy called out, peeking his head inside her room. She rolled over to look over at him standing in her doorway – he looked just as exhausted as she felt, and he was holding what looked like a stake in his hand.

"Where were you, Jer?" she asked, the corners of her mouth turning down in a frown, "I was really worried…"

"I, uh," he mumbled, clearly not quite sure what to say, "I was at the Boarding House, with Damon."

"What?" Elena exclaimed, pushing herself upright in bed, "Why the hell would you hang around with Damon, Jeremy? After what he did to you?"

"Relax, Elena!" Jeremy responded, holding his hand out to slow down her outburst, "Nothing happened. I was waiting for him when he got home, we talked, that's all. He's not going to do anything to hurt me, I know he won't."

Elena looked at him skeptically. "You talked. You and Damon Salvatore just…_talked_."

"Well, I went over there to stake him," Jeremy said, chuckling to himself, "But I had a while to think before he got there, and then when he did, we just talked. I mean, I know you're angry with him, Elena, and I get it. I do. I was angry too, but there's more to him than we know, and deep down, he's just a guy who's really hurting right now. Don't be too hard on him, sis, hear him out. He was there for you when Stefan wasn't, and your opinion of him means a lot to him. It might be the only thing that means anything to him. Think about that."

Jeremy crossed the room to give her a hug, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly, mind still focused on the insightful words of wisdom that her kid brother had just shared with her. Was he really telling her to give the psychotic vampire who had snapped his neck a chance? To hear him out? Her little brother was wiser than she had given him credit for. Or had a death wish. "I love you, Jeremy."

"I love you too, Elena," he responded, pressing a kiss on her cheek and then leaving the room.

Elena sank back down into her bed, so emotionally and physically overwhelmed that it didn't take more then a few minutes for her to fall into a fitful sleep.

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><p>Elena rolled over in her sleep and stirred awake at the innate sense that something was out of place in her room. She blinked in the dark a few times, trying to gain her bearings and see what brought her out of her sleep. Her eyes adjusted to the dark after a few seconds and she could make out a figure sitting on her window seat, legs up on the seat as well, their head resting in their hands.<p>

Before Elena could say anything, the figure spoke, clueing her in to their identity. "You brother came to my house to stake me tonight, Elena. He's a smart kid, that one. Knows I'm an abomination, knows I don't belong, knows I don't deserve to live."

Elena sat up in her bed, wiping the sleep out of her eyes, completely unsure of how to respond to the despondent vampire on the window seat. "Damon…"

"It's okay, Elena, I'm leaving, leaving you, leaving here, leaving Mystic Falls," he whispered just loud enough for her to hear, "I know that you hate me."

She _knew_ she should let him leave. She knew that he was a bad idea, that no good could come from him being here, but despite her anger at him she felt her heart break a little at his dejected words, at the thought that he might leave and she would never see him again, and she thought back to what Jeremy had told her earlier in the evening – hear him out, listen. "You, uh, you don't have to go, Damon. You can stay, we can talk if you want."

She saw him look towards her, the moonlight coming through the window reflecting the surprise in his blue eyes. "Why?"

She watched him as he moved off of the window seat to stand at the edge of the bed, looking down into her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the intense look in his eyes. He looked like man on the brink of despair, a man ready to throw himself off a bridge, a man ready to give up on his life. She didn't know what he was asking, and she didn't know how to answer a question that she didn't know, so she stayed silent, eyes locked with his.

"Why did you save me today, Elena?" he asked, his voice cracking painfully as he spoke, "Why did you stop Bonnie? Why didn't you just let me die?"

"I couldn't let her kill you, Damon," Elena responded without hesitation, "No matter what you've done, no matter how angry I am, you don't deserve to die."

Damon sank to his knees beside the bed, cradling his head in hands again, elbows resting on the bed next to Elena's legs. "I do, Elena. For what I did to you, to Jeremy, I do deserve to die. Can't you see that?"

"No, Damon," she responded forcefully, reaching out hesitantly to stroke his hair gently, "Listen to me, you got lucky, Jeremy's not dead, you have a second chance to be the better man, and you do _not_ deserve to die!"

They were silent for a few minutes as Elena gently stroked his hair, and she could feel his breathing become more even, more relaxed. How had they ended up here, with her comforting the broken vampire that she had sworn to hate forever? In the same room where Damon had snapped Jeremy's neck in anguish? Looking down at the raven hair under her fingers, Elena couldn't find it in herself to hate him, although she knew that she should, that she had every reason in the world to banish him from her life entirely. She knew with complete certainty that she could never bring herself to do that though. What was it about this man, this psychotic, crazy, dangerous vampire that she couldn't shake him?

"On the porch, when I kissed you – kissed Katherine, you know what I said to you?" Damon interrupted her thoughts with his soft voice, looking up to her, catching her hand in his. She sucked in a sharp breath at the unexpected contact, but she surprised both of them by not pulling her hand away. He rubbed his thumb over the palm of her hand in gentle circles, "I said that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving, and I wanted to thank you for that. You're the only person in the world who thinks that, Elena. Maybe the only person other than my mother to ever think that..."

"You are, Damon," Elena whispered earnestly, "You are worth saving." She pulled her hand away from him, and scooted along the bed, making some space beside her. She patted it hesitantly, and he looked at her in surprise. "I won't bite, just come sit here, Damon."

He rose up from his kneeling spot on the ground and gently lowered himself onto the bed next to her. He lay back, arms behind his head she watched him make himself comfortable. She lay back next to him, careful to keep at least few inches between them.

"What happened the other night, Damon?" she asked quietly after a minute of silence. She wasn't sure if she wanted to open the can of worms she was about to get into, but she wanted some sort of insight into what had happened the other night, what had made him do what he did.

Damon remained silent for a minute before sighing softly, turning to look at her, "Katherine." Elena nodded, having suspected that his outburst must have had something to do with the ancient vampire. No one else could get her Salvatore boys worked up quite like Katherine could. She waited patiently for him to continue his story. "I went home and she was there, waiting for me. I had just left the Lockwood's, and you'd just told me that there was no reason that I should think that there was anything between us, and she was there, and willing, and I made the terrible mistake of giving in to her."

Elena felt guilt and a stab of jealousy start to spread through her at his words, not liking at all where this story was heading. A vulnerable and emotional Damon, made by her own hand, and a manipulative seductress like Katherine were not a good mix, and the thought of Damon with anyone other than her was enough to make her a little green with envy. "What happened, Damon?"

"All my life, I've been the second choice. I wanted somebody to want me so badly, I wanted someone to choose me, and you were the first person in 150 years who had looked at me like I was someone worth giving a damn about – and when you told me the truth, that there was nothing between us, I was desperate enough to try anything, to feel anything, including letting Katherine back in despite what I knew would happen." He paused as Elena reached out to take his hand in hers, clasping it between them. He was obviously surprised at the contact, but after an encouraging squeeze from Elena, he continued his story. "Before I knew it, I had given in to her, and we were kissing in the parlor, our clothes were coming off, and it was like nothing had changed, like we were desperate lovers back in 1864, and I stopped her to ask her a question – I just had to know."

"What was it, Damon?" Elena asked, wondering what the answer had been that it had made Damon go so crazy that he had showed up plastered and desolate in her bedroom not long after.

"I asked her if she had ever loved me," Damon said, no emotion to his voice, and Elena's heart sank, suddenly knowing where this story was going. "She told me that she had never loved me, that it had always been Stefan, that she was still in love with Stefan. I was nothing but a toy to her."

Elena drew in a shaky breath, suddenly realizing what had made him snap so badly, "And when you came here to talk to me, I said the same thing."

"That it will always be Stefan," Damon said, bitterly, "and then I just snapped. I have no excuse, Elena, just that when I heard you say those things, it was like I lost it, that it didn't matter what happened, because it didn't matter what I did, no one loved me, and I'm so sorry, Elena, so so sorry…"

Elena pulled her hand from his, and wiped a tear from her eye that appeared at the thought of what Damon had done to Jeremy here in her room, just feet away from where they were at that moment. "When I saw Jeremy on the floor, I hated you, Damon. In that moment, I hated you so much, I did want you dead. It was all I could focus on, like if I maybe you died, it would bring him back to me."

Damon nodded, completely understanding, and he wiped another tear from her face hesitantly, "I know, Elena. I deserve to die for what I did, and I could see the hatred flood you, and I hate myself for that just as much. Someone as pure as you shouldn't have to experience such a violent emotion, and it was me that caused it. I can never forgive myself for what I did. I don't deserve to be around you, never mind here, talking to you. And after everything, when you had the chance to be rid of me today, you stopped Bonnie from killing me. I didn't deserve that, I came here tonight to say thank you, again…"

Elena shifted closer to him, turning on her side to look at him. They stared at each other in silence for a few minutes, neither sure of what to say next.

It was Elena who broke the silence first, her voice soft, unsure if she should really say what she was about to. "I lied to you the other day, Damon."

He looked at her with the question in his eyes.

"When I told you that I was surprised that you thought that I would kiss you back, I lied," she admitted quietly. "You're not imagining whatever it is that we had, that we have. I don't know what it is, I don't know where it came from, I don't know what it means, but it's there…"

"What about 'it's always going to be Stefan'?" he asked softly, shocked but still a little hopeful at her admission.

"I said that for my benefit just as much as for yours," she whispered, dropping her eyes from his, "I needed to reassure myself that it was Stefan." Damon looked confused. "How do you think it feels for me to question my love for Stefan because of something that may or may not be between us? I'm not the kind of girl that cheats on her boyfriend, and until recently, I was so sure of what Stefan and I had. How do you think it feels for me to be the girl between you again?"

Damon looked surprised at the questions that she presented to him. "I hadn't…"

"That's right, you haven't thought about where I am in this situation," Elena said earnestly, "Yes, I feel something between us, it's undeniable. I'm not blind! But just because I may feel something for you doesn't mean that I don't still feel something for Stefan. We're still together! I loved him first, and just because things have been strained between us, that doesn't mean that I'll just abandon him. I know you feel something for me, and yes, despite trying to fight it, I feel something back, I really, really do... but to act on that would be betraying Stefan."

"I'm sorry, Elena," Damon replied softly, apologizing for what felt like the hundredth time that night. "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave?"

"No," Elena responded without a second thought, "Stay, just let me figure things out on my own time okay? I need to decide for myself what to do about Stefan, and what to do about you. I may have forgiven you for what happened with Jeremy, but that doesn't mean I'm not still angry, because I am, Damon. You're lucky that I'm even talking to you at this point, I just can't seem to bring myself to tell you to go away."

"I know, Elena," Damon said earnestly, "I am so lucky. I'll give you the space you need, I'll give you whatever you need. Just tell me what it is, I'll do it."

Elena threw the covers off of herself, and she watched Damon watch her as she lay back down, resting her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around him gently. She felt him relax into the bed, and she smiled to herself, comfortable and content for the moment. Elena knew that she shouldn't have forgiven him so easily, that what he had done was serious, and that she had gotten a one in a million lucky strike that Jeremy wasn't dead at Damon's hand. She knew it was completely irrational and ridiculous, but she couldn't find it in herself to push him out of her life though. When Bonnie had set him on fire earlier that night, she had thought her heart was going to explode at the sight of him writhing on the ground. The night before she had been so hateful, so angry, and she had thought that she had wanted him dead, had told her friends that, but when presented with the actual truth of him actually dying, when she saw him engulfed in flames, she found herself completely not okay with it.

She loved Stefan, she did. But she knew just as much that she had developed really strong feelings for the vampire that she was currently resting against. Damon loved her – she knew that. He hadn't told her that he loved her outright, but Isobel had recognized it, had vocalized it to them all, and Elena could see it in his eyes, had felt it when they danced. What she couldn't figure out though was how she had let him get under her skin to the point where she couldn't see her life without him. Lying here with him, his musky, bourbony smell invading her senses, made it easy to forget about Stefan, but for some reason, when she was with Stefan, it was never easy to forget about Damon. He was always there, in her mind, invading her thoughts, never gone. What did it mean? How could she be this girl, one who couldn't say faithful to the man she was with, even in her mind?

Her thoughts drifted to the kiss Damon had shared with Katherine, and what he had said earlier about the conversation that they had shared when he had thought it was her. It occurred to her that never again would he feel like that around her, that nervous excitement of a first kiss – he had thought it was the first time that he was kissing her, and no matter what happened between them, that experience with him was lost to her, that Katherine had stolen it from her. She found herself desperate to know what had happened between them on that porch. She wanted to see it in her mind. She wanted to create it for herself.

"What was it like, Damon," Elena asked in whisper, barely believing that she was asking the question, "When you thought you kissed me, when you kissed Katherine?"

Damon glanced down at her, surprised at her question, saddened yet again at the reminder that it hadn't been her, "It was amazing, soulful, perfect, beautiful, Elena - until it wasn't you anymore…"

She looked up to him, seeing the sorrowful look in his eyes, "Tell me about it Damon, I want to know."

"You really want to know, Elena?" Damon asked, "Are you really ready to know that?"

"Tell me," she demanded this time, "I want to know everything." Elena knew that she shouldn't be asking for this story, that she was asking for trouble, and that she was going to get herself in too deep, but all she knew was that she wanted to know more than she thought possible.

Damon raised his eyebrows in surprise at her tone, but started his story. "We were on your porch, and you had just gotten home. You looked tired, exhausted, but you still looked beautiful, your hair in soft waves. We talked about why you saved me, and I thanked you for deciding that I was worth saving…" Damon said, giving her a small smile, and she found herself completely captivated at the emotion in his voice, "…and then you said 'you're welcome'. Our eyes met, and god, Elena, it was so intense, and I needed to touch you, more than anything, needed to feel some contact, so I leant down to kiss your cheek…" Damon reached up to brush his fingertips against her cheek softly, "…right here."

Elena gasped sharply at the feather light touch, little electric shocks spreading throughout her from the point of contact on her cheek, and Damon let out a soft chuckle. "Your skin was so soft, so warm, and your breathing picked up, just like that, and I pulled back, eyes locked on yours, and the look in your eyes undid me – it was desperate, I knew that you wanted nothing more than for me to kiss you, like I was the only thing in the world that you wanted, so I leaned in, and you leaned towards me – like we were drawn together by a magnetic force…" Damon brought his hand to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing against her lower lip, and she moaned ever so softly at the soft touch, "…I captured your lips, and you melted into me, opening your lips to mine," Damon's eyes dropped closed as her immersed himself in the memory, his thumb still brushing against her lips. "You tasted like heaven, your lips were so soft, you were pressing yourself into me, hands fisted in my jacket as I twisted my hands into your hair…" Even with his eyes closed, Damon lifted his hand to her hair, wrapping his hand in it, remembering the feel. Elena's eyes drifted closed, tingles spreading through her scalp, and she let herself be overtaken by the feelings he was provoking in her, and the words that he was saying. She imagined that it was her there on the porch, his lips on hers, "…I couldn't get enough of you, you were intoxicating, like a drug, it felt like you were in my bloodstream, like I was drunk off of you, and then the door opened. We pulled back from each other, breathless, and I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't even speak, and you went inside… but then, in the end, it wasn't you, was it?"

Elena's eyes drifted open, and found him watching her intently, eyes dark with emotion. She swallowed hard, "God, I wish it had been me, Damon…" she said, unable to stop the truthful words from slipping out of her mouth, and she reached up to brush her fingers over his lips gently. He went completely still at her words and her motions, unsure of where she was going, "I can't believe that she took that from us…" Elena's eyes dropped to his lips, those soft, utterly kissable looking lips, and she found herself leaning up towards him, the only thought in her mind to experience what she had missed out on.

"Elena…" Damon murmured, sensing what she was moving towards and completely torn between giving in to her, and reminding her that this couldn't happen, that not minutes before she had told him that she needed space.

"Damon, I have to know," she replied softly, dropping a gentle kiss on his jaw, her warm breath caressing his cheek. "I have to know, I want to know what's it like to feel like that, kiss me…"

"I can't, Elena," he choked out, trying to push her away as she kissed his jaw again, a little closer to his lips. Her lips felt like heaven against his skin, and he wasn't sure how he was going to refuse her, "I can't kiss you when I know that it could break me all over again…"

"I won't break you, Damon," she whispered, her hand cupping his cheek, and holding his face to make sure he was looking at her, "I promise… I want you to make me feel like that... just kiss me Damon…"

Elena saw the little will power that he had left disappear at the earnest look in her eyes, and the promise in her words, and he leaned down to capture her lips gently in his. She moaned at the contact, and opened her lips to his, pulling him in deeper, just like he had described in his kiss with Katherine. As she felt his velvety tongue sweep along hers for the first time, she knew within her soul that this was right, that nothing that felt this good could be wrong. He brought his hand up to cup her neck and cheek, holding her to him as his lips moved gently over hers, and she felt herself overcome with emotion at the feeling of being worshipped by Damon Salvatore. She fisted her hands in his hair while she kissed him back as hard as she could, desperate for him to feel some of the emotion that she was feeling.

He pulled away from her, and she almost cried out at the loss of him, "Damon…"

He rested his forehead against hers, his labored breathing matching her own. "You're perfect, Elena…"

She felt a tear slip from her eye at his words, and the reverent tone of voice in which he spoke them. She knew that she should end this encounter while she could, but when she looked into his eyes, she lost any desire to do so. This man wanted her, and she so desperately wanted him, and to make him know that he was wanted. She kissed his cheek gently, and she watched his eyelids fluttered shut at her gentle ministrations. She dropped a kiss on his other cheek, and then one on the corner of his mouth, and he sucked in a soft breath as she kissed her way down his jaw, capturing his ear lobe gently between her teeth, biting down softly. He groaned softly and she repeated the action, watching in fascination as the vampire beneath her came undone by a fraction. When she gently nipped at his neck, she was enthralled by the vision of his vampire features flashing across his face.

"Elena…" he groaned, trying to turn his face from her, but she caught it in her hand, pulling him back around to see her.

"Don't hide it from me, Damon," she whispered forcefully, "I want to see you."

"I'm a monster, Elena," he replied, a note of shame in his voice as he finally had himself under enough control that the pulsing veins in his cheeks disappeared.

"You're beautiful, Damon," she responded, bringing her lips to his once again in soft but earnest kiss. He responded to her lips immediately, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him, one arm dropping to stroke the exposed flesh of her hip, the other fisting itself in her hair to keep her where she was.

She realized, as she squirmed against him, that he was just as aroused as she was, and the thought of having this dangerous, sexy, irrational vampire in the palm of her hand was thrilling. She broke her lips away from his and sat up, straddling him, making the snap decision to remove her sleep cami, leaving her upper torso bare to his shocked gaze.

"Elena," he choked out, captivated at the sight of her perfect breasts, and her flushed skin, "Jesus Christ you're gorgeous... you have no idea... but, Elena, we don't have to do this…"

"Shhh, I want to..." she whispered, pulling him up to her level, fusing their lips together again. He moaned into her mouth as he brought one of his hands up to her breasts, kneading it gently, brushing his thumb over the hard nipple, causing her to shiver. Her hands snaked under his black t shirt and she was raking her hands up and down his smooth flesh, eager to feel as much of him as possible.

Damon pulled away from her for a moment to get rid of his t shirt, and she was momentarily breathless at the sight of his perfectly sculpted chest. She had seen it before, but never like this, and the enormity of what she was doing hit her like a freight train. She was almost naked in front of Damon Salvatore. She was kissing Damon Salvatore. She was touching Damon Salvatore. She wanted Damon Salvatore. Instead of the rush of guilt that she knew she deserved to have wash through her, she felt free, exhilarated, and desperate for more. She ground herself down into him, and she watched with elation as his eyes darkened, enjoying the sensations she was causing.

"Christ, Elena," he rasped, leaning down to catch one of her nipples in his warm, wet mouth. It was her time to moan in elation, and she felt a pool of wetness rush to in between her thighs in response to the attention he was showering on her breasts, "You're so amazing."

"God, that feels so good, Damon," she cried out, rocking her hips back and forth against him, the friction it was causing making both of them breathless with pleasure.

Damon brought his hands to her hips, lifting her off of him, and laying her down on the bed next to him. She looked up at him in confusion, unsure of what he was doing until she felt his thumbs hook into her pajama shorts, pulling them down her legs. She helped him get them off of her, and he pushed her back down onto the bed. "Relax, Elena, just feel."

He lay down next to her, so she could feel him pressed against her from head to toe, and after a second, she felt his soft hand brushing up and down her thigh. She relaxed a little, and he legs fell apart a fraction, and his hand brushed closer to her center.

"Elena," Damon whispered in her ear, nipping the soft lobe gently, her heart skipping a beat at the feeling, "I want to make you come apart. I want to make you feel so good, that you forget the pain I've caused..."

"God, I want that too," Elena replied, voice hoarse and husky. She let her legs open up a little wider, and she whimpered in pleasure as she felt one of his fingers brush against her core for the first time.

"You're so wet," Damon groaned, bringing his finger back up to his mouth, sucking her fluids off of it as if they were as good as fresh blood, and Elena felt herself get even wetter at the erotic sight. "You taste amazing."

He brushed his finger against her lips, and she snaked her tongue out, tasting herself from Damon's finger. She felt wicked pleasure spread throughout her as she got the first taste – she'd never tasted herself, and doing so from Damon's finger made her feel wanton, sexy. He leaned down to capture her lips with his, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as his finger reappeared at her wet core, stroking up and down her slit in time with the thrusts of his tongue in her mouth.

Elena lost all ability to think when he slipped one finger inside her, she just melted into Damon's arms, allowing him to do whatever he wanted to her. He used his thumb to brush against her clit as his finger moved in and out of her, and she cried out into his mouth, desperate to feel that thrill of pleasure again.

"More," she panted against his lips, and he smiled, slipping his middle finger inside her as well, continuing to tease her clit as he pumped his fingers inside and out. He kissed his way down her neck, nipping gently, and leaving wet open mouthed kisses along her smooth skin. She had lost all ability at rational thought and was just responding to his whispered endearments in groans and moans, the pleasure he was creating almost too much for her to take. She had never felt this undone during sex before, like she was just putty in Damon's expert hands.

"Do you want me to make you feel something you've never felt before?" he whispered temptingly in her ear, speeding up his pace on her clit with his thumb. She was writhing on the bed, unable to control her reactions to the building sensations in her lower regions. "Something that's so good, you'll never be able to forget it?"

"God, yes, Damon," she responded without any hesitation, trusting him to do whatever he wanted to her. He leaned down to kiss her fiercely, swallowing her gasps into his mouth. He continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her, stretching her walls, and then hooking his fingers to rub against her g-spot. She was panting desperately, unable to form words or thoughts. When he could feel her nearing the edge of her precipice, he kissed his way along her jaw to her neck once more, finding one spot in particular to kiss and lick over and over again.

"Relax, Elena," he whispered, and she tried to follow his instructions as she felt his blunt teeth begin to nip at the spot on her neck. It felt amazing, and every time she felt his teeth, it was like something was tugging at her core, tugging her closer to the edge of explosion. "Oh god, Damon, I'm sooooo close…"

"I know, sweetheart, I'm going to make you explode," he murmured, and she started to cry out as she felt herself stepping of the edge of the precipice and into the abyss. At her first cry she felt twin pin pricks in the spot on her neck that he had been focused upon, and just as she realized that he was biting her, she felt the first pull of blood and her world exploded in a million sensations of pleasure. He held her neck against his mouth as she convulsed around his fingers in sheer ecstasy, delicious electricity flooding through every nerve ending in her body, lights flashing behind her eyes, completely lost to the world as she felt herself pulsing in time with his pulls of blood.

Damon eventually pulled his hand away from between her thighs and gently pulled away from her neck licking the wound delicately, kissing it with reverence. Elena was a puddle in his arms, still panting from her freight train of an orgasm, and she was too overcome for words. She never wanted to let him go. She wanted to feel like that forever and ever.

"Elena," Damon whispered too her softly, and she turned her head so she was entranced in his brilliant blue eyes. "I love you." Elena opened her mouth to say something in reply, but Damon put a finger to her lips, stopping her, "I know you can't say it back, I know you're confused, and you don't know what you want, but I just needed to tell you that. I needed you to know that I love you, more than you have any idea, and I promise you I will spend the rest of my second chance at life trying to make everything up to you…"

Elena knew he didn't expect a reply from her, so she didn't give one, choosing instead to bring her hand up to the back of his head, pulling him down to meet his lips in a soft, leisurely kiss. "I'm going to hold you to that promise…"

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? ;)<strong>


	3. S 2, E 3: Bad Moon Rising

**Author's Note:**

**This has been a long time in coming, and it's been really hard to write Damon/Elena recently. I love to come to to read great Damon/Elena fics, but there has been a severe lack of good stuff recently, and so a lot of my inspiration just vanished. My saving graces have been the amazing works of Trogdor19, Goldnox, and Latbfan, for without "Desperate Love," "Mirrors and Broken Things," and "Bourbon Before Breakfast" I might not know what to do with myself.**

**I have never ever written from Damon's POV, and this was a challenge to myself to do it, and oh man was it hard! I'm so used to being Elena, to having her mind all fleshed out, and it just sort of pours out, but Damon and I aren't as close I guess. I mean, I can write Damon dialogue, and looks, and expressions, but his inner thoughts? That monologue that is so uniquely Damon? There are some of you out there on this site that have it totally nailed, and I'm just not there, but here's my try anyway ****J**** Don't judge too harshly!**

**This takes place at the end of the last Damon and Elena scene at the end of Bad Moon Rising, where they're on the porch, and Elena tells Damon he's lost her forever. (ouch!)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Fuck my life.<p>

Fuck this shit.

Fuck this town.

"…You and Katherine have a _lot_ more in common than just your looks."

With that parting barb, I make my way down the steps of her front porch, and I can just _feel_ her eyes following me. I can see her brow furrowing as she tries to make sense of what I've just said, as she tries to come up with some rationalization that takes the truth out of the words I've just uttered. I can practically feel the hurt coming off of her in waves, but like I said before – _fuck this shit_.

Give her two minutes, and she's going to be seething, but you know what? I don't give a flying fuck, because she deserved that. She used me, manipulated me, knowing full well that she was just acting and leading me on. Let her seethe. I need to go home before I find someone to kill.

* * *

><p>"Fuck you, Damon!"<p>

I hear her growling out her insults from the front hallway even though I'm in the shower with it running full blast. Yeah, that's right, I'm in the shower, not out doing 'snatch, eat, fuck, kill' like I desperately want to be doing right now.

Elena's sentiment is followed promptly by the front door slamming shut so hard that the house shakes a little, and I'm surprised that she had that much strength in her. I'm a little surprised that she's cursing too, but that means she must be really pissed, and you know what? Good, I'm fucking glad.

The Elena that's in my house right now – she's spoiling for a fight, and I am damn well ready to give her one. Let's get this shit out there, lay all the cards on the table, no holds barred.

I turn the shower off quickly and grab a towel, drying myself in about 15 seconds flat while calling out in a cheery sing-song voice, "Oh Elena, is that you?"

I hear her swearing under her breath, and I can't help it, I just laugh. If the last 30 seconds have been anything to go by, Elena's on fire tonight, riled up by my earlier comments, and I intend to enjoy it, especially since Stefan's not here – which she knows full well.

I consider going downstairs naked, but then I pull on a pair of soft black pajama pants – no underwear, no shirt – and tie them loosely so they hang just right on my hips. Is this playing dirty? I don't think so, this is just using my God-given, vampire enhanced assets to my advantage.

"Get the fuck down here D-" she starts to shout again, and then jumps in surprise as I vamp speed in front of her.

Her heart rate immediately picks up, and her pupils dilate, and it just kills me that she thinks I don't notice this shit. Girl is in so much denial over her feelings for me that it's almost ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I could have her against the front door before the night is over if I really wanted to push this that far – fuck, I'm half hard already. We'll see where the night takes us…

"God, Damon, you fucking scared me," she hisses, and I pull back from her about a foot to take a good look at her. She's still dressed exactly the same as she was when I left her on her porch half an hour ago, but she's positively glowing now. All that anger, the emotions, the self-righteousness coursing through her veins – she's positively glorious, and oh-so-delicious looking.

I want to sink my fangs right into the beautifully pulsing point on her neck and drink as she comes all over my fingers - or my cock, or my face - I'm not picky. God, what is wrong with me? I know I need to get laid – badly, but this girl just stomped all over my heart – again – and I still want her in my bed. This town has changed me. This slip of a girl has changed me, and I didn't even fucking realize it til it was too late.

"Oops, sorry," I chirp, and I rest my hands on my hips as her eyes rake over me (hungrily?), and I can see the exact moment when she realizes my state of undress – she freezes, hand mid-air to start in on her rant, she stops breathing for a few seconds, and I can _smell_ the rush of arousal that just assaulted her.

It's so goddamn hot, so musky, so sweet, and I'm completely hard in a fraction of a second, which I'm sure she can see – why the fuck am I trying to be a good vampire and not ripping in to her right now? Oh yeah, because she wants me to be the _better man_. Sometimes she makes it so fucking hard. Sometimes (all the time) she makes _me_ so fucking hard.

"You were saying…" I prompt her, because she seems to have gone brain dead at the sight of my naked torso - not that I blame her, if her shirt was off right now I'm pretty sure I would be devoid of the power of speech too. I really wish she was topless right now…

She snaps her eyes back up to my face, and I wipe my knowing smirk off just a second too late, because she sees it, and her face turns into a scowl as she takes a step towards me. "I was saying – fuck you, Damon!"

I feel my eyebrows rise in surprise at the vehemence in her voice, and at her boldness at stepping back into my personal space, close enough that I can just smell the pheromones coursing off of her body in waves. The response to her retort forming in my head is neither appropriate, nor helpful, but fuck it - my voice drops to a husky whisper and I let it out anyway, "If you really want to fuck me Elena, which we both know you do, all you have to do is ask…"

I catch her hand mid-air as it comes flying towards my face to slap me, and she cries out in protest as I use my other hand to grab her hip and push her back up against the door. I'm careful not to touch her anywhere other than where my hands are, because good fucking god, I am really fucking turned on right now, and I need to get this shit under control. She's pushing at me with her free hand, and the feel of that hot little hand on my chest is doing dirty things to my mind. "Careful, Elena…"

She stares up at me, eyes on fire, panting hard, and, Jesus Christ, I can smell how wet she is, and I'm oh-so-happy to know that my secret suspicion that Elena would really get off on being treated a little roughly was spot on. I really hope she gives in to me sooner rather than later, because the sex between us will be fucking mind-blowing. None of that pansy ass shit I hear coming from Stefan's room when they're in there together. I'm 100% sure she fakes 99% of her orgasms with him, which is such a shame, because she deserves to be flying apart with pleasure every second of every day. I could do that to her. I could make her feel that way. Not Stefan.

Stefan. Shit. What the fuck am I doing here?

She's still looking at me, panting softly, as if she has completely forgotten her train of thought, and I need to get this conversation back on track, and both of our thoughts away from screwing each other's brains out, so I mentally scream at myself as I prompt her. "… you were telling me why you're mad at me?"

I see the flash of anger – and hurt? – overtake her eyes instead of that ravenous hunger, and I let go of her hands, stepping back just a little bit. Her hands fall slowly back down to her sides as if she's regretting the loss of contact – god knows I am – and they clench in fists at her side. I watch her chest rise as she sucks in a big breath, and my eyes snap up to meet hers as she makes this little angry noise that does nothing to help my state of arousal.

"You – you said I'm like Katherine, Damon," she says starting out shakily, but ending strong, a clear note of betrayal ringing in her voice. Her eyes match the sound of her voice, and panic sweeps through me at the sudden realization that she might cry, and the last thing I want on my hands is a crying Elena. "Of all the things you could have said - Katherine? How could you?"

I stare at her for a moment, totally unsure of what I want to say. I'm such a fucking pussy. I came down her ready to lay it all on the table, but faced with the moment when I can tell her the truth, do I want to?

Elena and I – we always tell each other the truth though. That's what we say – whether it's true or not.

"You acted like Katherine today," I respond, voice hard, eyes hard, hands firmly on my hips – I will not reach out to comfort her when the fucking waterworks come. "You used me, lied to me, and then discarded me – just like she did."

She stomps – actually stomps! – her foot and smacks the door behind her with one of her hands before stepping closer into my space, the tears threatening her eyes, desperately trying to escape. "You don't think I had the right to do that to you? You KILLED my brother, Damon! Killed him! As in dead! As in no longer alive! As in you snapped his fucking neck right in front of me – I can never forgive you for that!"

"He's not dead, Elena," I respond quietly, desperately, but the harsh regret for my actions that has been sitting in the pit of my stomach since I snapped Jeremy's neck swells uncomfortably, unbearably. I can never live that down, it was an action that cannot be undone, and no matter how much I love this girl, she's going to hold it against me forever. As she should.

Because I _killed_ her fucking brother. What the fuck is wrong with me? If someone killed Stefan, I would torture them by removing their limbs one by one until I staked them through the heart, painfully, slowly.

"He was dead to me, Damon," she whispers, tears beginning to stream down her face, and I feel my heart breaking at the sight of them – I can't believe I'm such a fucking miserable asshole. "He was dead to me, and you did that." She pauses and then brings her eyes back up to mine. "You lashed out because Katherine hurt you, used you, ruined your life. She's evil, manipulative, horrible, all the things I despise – and you stood there tonight and compared me to her…"

Shit. I feel like shit. How can I say I love this girl when all I do is hurt her over and over and over again? I am a miserable excuse for a man.

I can't say anything except a whispered sorry, I don't know what else to say. So I say it again. And again. I can feel the tickle of unshed tears in the corners of my eyes, much to my horror, and I fight them back.

Her tears are flowing freely, and she looks so lost and so broken that I can't help but wrap my arms around her before I can second guess myself, despite the fact that the last thing she probably wants are the arms of her brother's killer comforting her. She stiffens for a moment, but then relaxes into my embrace, her face burrowing into my shoulder as she starts sobbing.

We stand like that for a minute, so close, pressed up against each other, and for the first time in my life I am not thinking anything sexual with a woman this close to me. This is Elena, my Elena, and I made her cry. I scoop one of my hands under her legs quickly, and she gasps in surprise through her sobs as I pick her up and carry her into the parlor, sinking down onto one of the couches with her nestled in my lap.

She pulls back as if to get up, but I tighten my arms around her, pulling her back down, not ready to let go of her, especially since she still has tears streaming down her face.

I whisper to her softly, stupid things like "I'm sorry," and "It's going to be okay," and "Just let it all out," as if any of those things is going to change the miserable mess we're in. I stroke her hair gently, the silky chocolate strands caressing my fingers.

We sit, wrapped around each other until her crying gradually stops.

"I don't want to be her. I'm trying not to be her, Damon," she whispers into my neck, so softly I can barely hear her, even with my vampire hearing, "I'm trying so hard, but I'm losing…"

It takes me a minute to process what she said, and then I realize that she's talking about Katherine, that she thinks that I meant what I said, that she's like Katherine, and I mentally kick myself all over again.

"You're not anything like her, Elena," I whisper into her hair – because really, this girl in my arms is crazy if she really thinks she's anything like Katherine. I was wrong to tell her that tonight, I lashed out – as usual – because I was angry, and I was hurt – "I was wrong to say that, it was a total lie…"

"But it wasn't, Damon," she sniffles, snuggling a little closer into me, and I tighten my arms around her, "She lead you both on, hurt both of you, and I'm trying to deny it. I'm trying so hard - I'm trying so hard for it to just be Stefan, but - "

She stops talking suddenly, and I am holding my breath waiting for her to finish. What was she saying? What did she mean? She's trying so hard for it to just be Stefan, but – it's not? – there's space for me too? My stupid selfish heart leaps for joy at the thought that there's even a possibility for me with this fragile, beautiful, angel of a woman.

"But what, Elena?" I whisper softly into her hair, "You're trying so hard for it to just be Stefan, but what?"

I feel her soft lips press lightly against my neck - I still in complete and utter shock because there's no possible way that just happened - before she pulls back, her eyes locking with mine for a moment where I swear time just stops.

"But it's not."

It's barely a whisper, but it hangs between us in the air, as if I can see the words there, in bright neon letters. I can hear them echoing around the room, around my head, around my heart as I try to make sense of them.

But it's not.

But it's not just Stefan.

She wants it be just Stefan.

She's tried for it to just be Stefan, but it's not –

- which means it's me too. Holy mother of god.

I'm pretty sure that the expression on my face must be absolutely comical. I'm sure I either look like the happiest fool in the universe, or the most dumbstruck one, but I honestly feel like both.

She's still staring at me, that hesitant, apprehensive look on her face, and I can tell she has no idea why she just let herself just admit that intimate secret. That there's space for me, in her heart. That I'm there too.

"Elena," I whisper reverently, my hands lifting from around her waist to cup her face delicately, thumbs brushing across her cheeks. She draws in a shaky breath at the contact, and I move slowly towards her, reading the invitation in her bright eyes.

She doesn't even move as I brush my lips over hers softly, and I pull back, worried that I misread the situation, the invitation I saw in her eyes, but a moment later her hands fist themselves in my hair and pull me back to her, her lips crushing themselves against mine as she regains the ability to move.

I hear her let out a sob of the relief that I feel to finally have her in my arms, her sweet lips against mine, her soft tongue sliding into my mouth, her fingers threading themselves through my hair. She tastes like heaven and she feels like home, and she's rubbing herself against me as if there's no other place on earth she'd rather be, and I know that I never want to let her go. Ever.

We devour each other until she pulls back with a gasping breath, and rests her forehead against mine while she catches her breath. I want to lay her back on this sofa and worship her from head to toe, to show her what it feels like to be loved thoroughly by Damon Salvatore – but I know that tonight is not the night, no matter how much I wish it was.

"I don't know how to do this, Damon," she whispers, her voice cracking, "I don't know how to not be _her_ when I feel these things for you too. What is wrong with me?"

I pull her back into the embrace we'd been in before, and thread my fingers through her hair in what I pray to god is a comforting gesture for her.

"Elena, you are nothing like Katherine," I reassure her softly, and I strain to put every bit of truth and love I can into the words I'm speaking to her. "Katherine lied to us, played us against each other, manipulated us, and compelled us. She never loved us, not really, she just played with us like we were toys, and then threw us away. You don't have a Katherine like bone in your body – you are so totally opposite, so totally Elena, that there is no comparison. You are the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate person I've ever met."

Elena heaves a sob into my shoulder, letting it all out as I rub her back gently. "What are we going to do, Damon? I can't love you both…"

My heart clenches painfully at her words. Can't love us both. She's right though, she can't be with both of us, it would end in disaster, and right now she's with Stefan. She may be developing feelings for me, she may even be falling in love with me despite all the horrible things I do to her, but right now she loves Stefan. I know we're right – I _know_ it as if it is the Lord's gospel truth - but it's not right, right now.

I'm the other man in this picture, I'm the home wrecker that's coming in between them. It doesn't matter that I know that we're perfect together, that we would be amazing, that we would be on fire. It doesn't matter at all until she doesn't feel those things for Stefan anymore. I don't deserve to have her. I have to let her go.

I pull her away from where she is desperately clinging to my neck, and I look her squarely in the eyes.

"Elena, you know I love you. I may not have said it out loud before, but you know it," I start, my voice uncharacteristically shaky, but I take deep breath and continue, "And you may have some feelings for me, but I want you to remember something important – really remember it."

I hold her chin in my hand, my eyes boring into hers, and I muster up the courage to say the next words I need to say. They are the truth, but that doesn't make it any easier. "I am an asshole, a psychopath, a cold blooded killer, a monster. I killed Vicki Donovan and turned her into a vampire for fun. I killed Coach Tanner in cold blood, to prove a point. I murdered your brother because I was pissed off. I am unstable, dangerous, bad for you to be around. And more importantly - you hate me, Elena, you absolutely _hate_ me. You will never, ever forgive me for the things that I've done, and you are with my brother, who loves you."

She wipes her watery eyes, wide with shock at my words, but she starts nodding slowly as she realizes what I'm doing. We stare at each other, silent and still for a minute, and hour, I don't really know. Finally, she smiles a small smile, and leans forward to press a soft, chaste, sweet kiss against my lips. I kiss her back, unable to resist, and she moans softly before pulling back.

"Thank you, Damon," she whispers as she extricates herself from my embrace and my lap.

I sit in silence and dread as she stands up and straightens her clothes and hair. She looks breathtakingly beautiful, eyes red, cheeks tear stained, lips pink with our kiss. She's everything I want and everything I can't have. Everything I don't deserve.

She walks to the parlor entrance, stops, steels herself, and then turns around to say, "Damon, I will never forgive you, I hate you." I nod at her in encouragement, it's what she needs to think.

She walks her way to the front door, I hear it open, and then right before it slams shut I hear the faintest whisper –

"_But I think I might love you too_."

Like I said before - fuck my life.

* * *

><p><strong>So, this chapter didn't go ANYTHING like I had originally thought it would. It's funny how that happens sometimes. You write one word, one thing, that ends up changing the course of the whole thing…<strong>

**Despite the lack of smut, hopefully you still enjoyed it, and now that this one is out of the way, I can move on to the next one!**


	4. S 2, E 4: Memory Lane

**A/N: Yeah, it's been a while since I updated this... since March. Forgive me. Hopefully there are still some of you out there willing to read it :)**

**The muse was a little bit downhearted for while with the whole 'sire bond' situation. I started this chapter countless times, never satisfied with it, and then I would abandon it, and then this morning, I woke up and voila! I had an idea! Problem was I only had two hours to write it since I have to leave for work in about 13 minutes, but I know myself, and if I didn't write it this morning, it wouldn't happen, so here it is. Word vomited onto the page, not betad, not edited, just there. Hopefully it still works.**

**The idea for this actually came from the dream sequence at the beginning, with Katherine in Stefan's head. I was intrigued... And well, naturally you know the rest, because here it is! This happens at the end of the episode, after Stefan and Elena 'break up' and Damon is listening at the bar, and Katherine is listening outside their window.**

**PS - Probably also in a good mood since I got married 3 and a half weeks ago! Yay!**

**Warnings: I say the f word a lot, if you've read my stuff you probably have noticed that (and this is Damon POV, so...duh). Also, some explicitness... :)**

* * *

><p>I am such a <em>fucking pussy<em>. Not even remotely worth of the title of 'bad ass motherfucking vampire' anymore. Really, it's fucking embarrassing. I waltzed into this town months ago with my humanity switch firmly in the off position, not giving a flying fuck what I did, who I killed, who I fucked, or what people thought of me, fully intending to make my brother's life a living hell on earth while I searched for my long lost love - and what happened?

Elena.

Elena fucking Gilbert happened - and now it seems that she has fully chopped off my (blue) balls and is holding them (not so gently I might add) in the tiny palm of her perfectly manicured fucking hand. Fuck.

How the fuck did I let this happen to me? She's 17 fucking years old, and fucking human! She's nothing special, just a regular old whiny, mopey teenage girl who just happens to look like Katherine.

Bullshit. Total and utter bullshit. She's compassionate, and smart, and loves everyone around her (except me) despite their faults (of which I have many), and she's the kindest person I've ever met, and she's radiantly beautiful, and I want nothing more than to be able to hold her...

See? I'm such a _fucking_ pussy! Which explains why I'm sitting here at the bar, steadily drinking my way through a bottle of their most expensive (but still utterly not good enough) bourbon, waiting for enough time to have passed for Elena to be tucked away sound asleep in bed so I can go see her. To watch her _sleep_. To make sure she's ok after the 'breakup' I witnessed between her and Stefan a few hours ago, and that she doesn't have any nighmares. Because I'm such a fucking pussy.

Fucking stake me now.

* * *

><p>I jump swiftly up and into the tree outside her bedroom window, and then take a graceful leap into her room, landing soundlessly on my feet. Even if I am pussy whipped by a girl who barely acknowledges my existence, at least I can still do all the cool tricks that come along with being a vampire.<p>

I flick my eyes across the room to take in her sleeping form, and I freeze as my vision goes red.

Elena is fast asleep, curled up on her side, arms firmly wrapped around her battered teddy bear (fuck, I wish I was that bear), and perched delicately on the bed behind her, Elena's vervain necklace hanging gracefully from her fingertips - Katherine fucking Pierce.

She grins at me, looking thoroughly pleased with herself, "Damon, what a nice surprise -"

"What the fuck are you doing here, Katherine?" I whisper angrily, trying not to wake Elena up with my words. She groans softly and shifts on the bed - both of our eyes flick to her and watch as she settles back into her sleep.

"Making sure that I get Stefan back," Katherine purrs softly, a soft grin playing around her lips. She crooks her finger in a 'come hither' fashion, and I can't help myself, I step towards the two of them. She silently slides off the bed, and motions for me to lay down next to Elena. I stay standing. Even though I want nothing more than to crawl into bed with Elena and gather her up against my chest and bury my face in her silky soft hair. I definitely stay standing.

"Katherine," I snarl at her, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

She saunters up to me in what I recognize as her 'sexy stride'. Funny, it does nothing for me now. The thought of Elena tripping over something in her battered Converse - now that gets me half hard just thinking about it. God, what is wrong with me?

"I know that Stefan and Elena 'broke up' tonight," Katherine purrs (does she ever just talk normally? not everything needs to sound like it's dripping with sex), and she makes air quotes around the words 'broke up'. Ah. Crap. Busted. So she doesn't believe that it's real either. "But I just want to make sure that I help speed the process up, keep this break up real, and permanent."

I tilt my head to the side in question. Okay, she doesn't believe the break up was real, neither do I, but what is she doing here, in Elena's home, with Elena's vervain necklace wrapped around her skanky little fingers? I look at the necklace pointedly and then flick my eyes back up to hers.

She smiles, like a cat who ate the canary, "I gave Stefan a dream yesterday - a dream about me and him, and about you and Elena - and although he knows the dream came from me, it plays on all of the best of his insecurities, -"

"And those are?" I ask, but I think I already know where this is going. She was the root of all our insecurities. Fucking bitch. The fact that I can think of her that way now brings a small smile to my face.

"You, you, and...you," her smile is sugary sweet as she counts the reasons off on her fingers, and she brings one of her blood red manicured fingernails up to caress the side of my face. Her touch sends nasty shivers down my spine, and I suppress the urge to vomit all over her as I bat her hand away.

"Don't touch me," I grit out, and her expression flicks to a scowl for just the briefest second before a hard smile replaces it. I let out a small triumphant grin at her anger.

She turns around and strides back to Elena's nightstand, gently laying the vervain necklace down before turning back to me.

"Listen to me, Damon," she starts, a hard, unyielding edge to her voice that I haven't heard before, "I **will** have Stefan back. I love him. He still loves me, deep down, and he will come back to me - I will not give up until I have him back. This break up between them will be permanent, and you will make sure it is."

I quirk my eyebrow at her statement, unsure of what she's getting at, "What-?"

"I started the very beginning of a dream in her mind," she interrupts my question, "I didn't dictate what will happen, I didn't even suggest where it should lead, everything that happens will be from her."

She struts back over to where I am, using one hand to cup the back of my neck, pulling my ear down closer to her lips. "Finish what I started, Damon. You don't have to control the dream, maybe just guide it a little - or not, I don't think she'll even need it - and believe me, you're going to want to see what's going on in there."

She presses a ghostly light kiss to the spot right below my ear that she know's always used to make me go weak at the knees, and then before I know it, she's gone.

* * *

><p>Fuck.<p>

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What the fuck do I do?

I _should_ go into her head, wake her up, tell her what Katherine did, and then get that vervain necklace right back on her and make her start drinking vervain tea three times a day. How the fuck did Stefan not get her on some other kind of vervain - ingested vervain? God he's such a fucking moron.

What I _want_ to do is go into her head and see what's going on. Join in. Maybe even take Katherine's suggestion and nudge the dream into a place we all know I desperately want it to go. Would Elena even let me go there in her dreams? Katherine seems to think so, and she may be a giant manipulative fucking whore, but when it comes to stuff like this, she is usually right on. Fuck, even the thought that Elena might reciprocate some form of feeling for me has me hard as a rock.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Elena would tell me to be the 'better man'. God! How is it that she is so far in my head! How is it that everything I do and say comes with a running commentary from an inner Elena now? No wonder I sound like such a fucking girl - there's a 17 year old teenage girl living in my fucking head.

I sit gently on the bed behind her, leaning up against the headboard, legs stretched out, with her facing away from me on my left side, still curled up around that teddy bear. I would kill to be that bear. Literally kill. But then, if I killed, I would have no chance of being the bear, because Elena would disapprove. Fuck.

I let my eyes roam over her, and I swear to god my heart hurts at the sight of her. That silky chocolate hair, her beautiful olive skin, gleaming in the moonlight. It's so smooth, so soft, and she smells like the coconut body butter that she puts on every night before bed. It makes me think of all the tropical places I want to take her. Elena and I in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora, swimming in the crystal clear ocean outside our door, wearing nothing but a teeny black string bikini - or wearing nothing. I grin at that thought. I would make love to her on the beach where the water meets the sand - god, she would look so amazing with her naked body arched out across that glorious sand - the warm water lapping around us as she flies apart at my tongue and my hand -

God! What in the world is wrong with me! Making love in the water? What am I, a fucking girl? Jesus Christ, I am so fucking whipped. Never before in my life (other than that wretched year in 1864 with she who will not be named) have I thought about making love to a woman. Fucking? Yes. Screwing their brains out against a brick wall in a dirty alley behind whatever nightclub I found them in? Yes. Bending them over any surface available (I am particularly partial to tables) and pounding away while I sink my teeth into the side of their neck? Most definitely. But making slow sweet love on a beach. Ugh, like I said before - stake me now. I am no longer fit to call myself a vampire. Because of this girl. This heartbreakingly beautiful, kind, and wonderful girl. That I would give my right nut to make love too.

She moans again in her sleep, and she turns this time, rolling over to face me, and I freeze as she snuggles against my side. She nuzzles the side of my stomach with her nose, inhaling deeply, and lets our a satisfied little sigh. What the fuck? I have to know what's going on in that brain of hers. I am the worst person ever, but, I reason with myself, I will not manipulate where the dream is going, just be an observer. I just want to know...

I close my eyes and concentrate on slipping into her mind.

* * *

><p><em>The grill, we're in the grill. It's busy, loud music, people everywhere, and I glance around, looking for me, for her, for people I know. <em>

_Caroline is at the bar, drinking with some blond haired man, she looks smitten, he looks smitten - and smug. Pretty sure I won't like that guy, but moving on..._

_Bonnie and Jeremy snuggled in a booth in the corner, stealing kisses. Huh, okay._

_Matt, behind the bar, serving, smiling at a pretty blond girl._

_My heart sinks as I see Stefan and Elena curled up in another booth. Of course she's with fucking Stefan, I was so stupid to think that it could ever be different, even in a dream._

_"That's not Elena."_

_I spin around to see the source of the whisper, and I see Katherine smirking, leaning up against a pole a few feet from me._

_"Katherine," I growl, "Get out..."_

_"Geez, Damon," she purrs, sauntering over to stand next to me, "Why are your panties in such a twist? I'm not here to do anything, just merely observe. I couldn't help it." She smiles widely, and looks back over to Stefan and Elena in the corner. My eyes somewhat reluctantly follow her gaze, and I watch with a sinking stomach as the couple kisses gently. "Damon, I told you, that's not Elena, look closer."_

_What is she talking about, of course that's Elena... oh my God. It's not. The eyes are slightly different, the smile is different, the way she holds herself is just like -_

_"Katherine," Stefan says softly as she kisses her way down the side of his jaw. She giggles, whispering something I can't hear into his ear, and I turn to look at the Katherine next to me. She looks ecstatic, and dreamy, and in love, all at the same time. _

_"What sort of fantasy land is this, Katherine?" _

_She snorts delicately, choking back a laugh. "I don't know what you mean, Damon. I set the scene, and the tone, that's it. The grill. All of us. We're happy. What Elena did with the players is all up to her. She put everyone right where they are, right where she wanted them to be, deep down inside of her. It's not my fault that she seems to subconsciously want Stefan and I together as much as I do."_

_I look around again, taking in the scene with new eyes. It does feel happy in here. Everyone in here is smiling, in love, looking like they're having the time of their lives. Is this really what Elena subconsciously wants? Bullshit, there's no way that she'd be okay with Stefan and Katherine living happily ever after and canoodling in the corner of her favorite hangout spot. Speaking of Elena, where is she? And where am I?_

_I glance over at the bar, to my usual seat, expecting to see myself there nursing that usual bottle of bourbon, but I am...not there. Huh. _

_I hear a familiar beautiful lilting laugh, and my head snaps around to the pool table area. Elena's standing there, laughing, looking happier than I've ever seen her, and she's looking expectantly at something. I look through the crowd to see what she's looking at._

_"She's looking at you, dumbass," the Katherine beside me says, and amused note in her voice. "She's looking at you like you hung the sun, moon, and stars with your bare ass hands."_

_Holy mother of god, she's right. _

_There I am. I see me, walking towards Elena, two beers in my hands, and I'm smiling at her, and she's smiling at me, and... shit. I don't even know how to process the fact the smile on her face, that beautiful laugh escaping her mouth - it's for me. Not Stefan, not Matt, not Tyler, or any of the other douchebag boys in this town. It's for me. _

_"Watch," Katherine whispers, seemingly just as captivated by the sight of Elena as I am. And I do watch. I watch as dreamDamon waltzes up to Elena with my cocky swagger, puts the beers down on a high top table, and then gathers Elena into his arms as their mouths fuse together in steamy kiss. _

_My jaw? On the fucking floor. _

_Elena looks like she can't get enough of me, she's practically climbing me like a tree, and her hands are in my hair, and all over my back, and under my shirt, and I watch as my dream self does exactly what I am silently begging him to do - he hoists her up with his hands under her ass onto the pool table, and she immediately pulls dreamDamon closer, legs hooked around him, their bodies pressed flush together from top to bottom. Good fucking god in heaven I want to be there, be him, right now. I want Elena pressed against me, kissing me like she can't survive unless my tongue is in her mouth, grabbing at me as if she needs me more than air._

_"Fuck," I whisper, unsure of what else to say as I watch Elena and I rubbing up against each other, clearly oblivious to anyone and anything else in the world._

_Katherine doesn't say anything, just continues to watch Elena and dreamDamon from along side me, but I can hear her breath hitch in her throat, smell her arousal. Guess it's got to be just as weird for her, watching someone who is her spitting image doing...whatever it is that Elena and dreamDamon are doing, in a room full of people that includes both her brother and mine. _

_"Get a room!" Stefan calls out playfully as he and dreamKatherine walk by, clearly on their way to do the same thing he's suggesting._

_Elena and dreamDamon pull apart, breathless and panting, and laughing as they disentangle themselves from each other. _

_"He's right," I hear myself say to Elena, and her breath catches as dreamDamon nips gently at her ear. "You want to take this party home?"_

_Elena looks at dreamDamon and catches his face in her hands, bringing his lips down to hears in a searing hard kiss. The glint in her eyes is positively mischievous as she pulls back from him, looking his straight in the eyes. "I've got a better idea."_

_"Oh yeah?" dreamDamon asks, his hands slipping under Elena's shirt, and I can see him stroking her soft silky skin under the thin cotton. I am so jealous... of myself. "Does your idea still involve this?" _

_Elena gasps softly as one of dreamDamon's hands reaches up and cups her breast under her shirt, and she clasps her hands around his arms to steady herself, and I want to be doing that so badly, I want to be him so badly that I start to move towards them, drawn to her. Katherine's hand shoots out to stop me, and I turn to glare at her. _

_"No," she scolds, pulling be back to where she's standing. I don't want to be there next to her, but she's got a couple hundred years on me, and her grip isn't letting me say no. "Don't interfere. Right now they can't see us, can't hear us, but if you go over there and take over, it'll be different. You want to know what Elena wants, right? If you go over there, if you become him, then you're imposing your thoughts, your actions, your wants on her. Let this be her dream. See what she wants you to do, not what you want you to do. If you're there, you'll never really know what she wants, what she would do in the situation without your outside influence."_

_Fuck, she's right. I hate it when Katherine's right. I want nothing more than to go over to Elena right now and take over from dreamDamon, but then I would be pushing her on, leading the encounter. I do want to know what she wants, what she wants her dreamDamon to do. I want to know how far she'll take this in her dream. In here, where she thinks she's safe, where she thinks no one will know, will she admit what she wants from me? How she feels for me? I nod at Katherine, and she grins her satisfied 'I am always right' smirk._

_"Look," she says pointing across the room, and I watch as Elena and dreamDamon disappear down the hallway to the bathrooms. I have to know what they're doing. I have to. I take off after them._

_"Damon," Katherine's voice is a warning._

_"Just to observe, Katherine," I promise, not even looking back at her. "Just to observe."_

_I push through the door into the women's restroom where Elena and dreamDamon have just disappeared, and I am startled to realize that the door didn't move when I went through it.I just simply 'passed' through it. Like I'm a ghost. Which I guess is good because dreamDamon is locking the door behind them, and neither he nor Elena have any clue that I'm in here with them._

_dreamDamon turns to face Elena, where she is standing on the other side of the room, eyes dark with lust, breathing heavily, her breasts straining against her thin gray cotton henley. He says the words I am thinking, "Jesus christ, Elena, you are so fucking gorgeous. Do you know that, babe? I have never wanted anyone so much in my life the way I want you."_

_I watch as his words wash over her, goosebumps breaking out over her arms. She surprises us both by moving her hands down to the bottom of her shirt and stripping it off in one smooth motion. "What are you waiting for, come and get me, Damon, I'm all yours..."_

_I am immediately hard. As a fucking rock. It's as if this dreamElena knows exactly what to say to me, exactly what will turn me on, make me a quivering mass in her hands. She may act like dreamDamon has all the control, but everyone in this room knows that it's all her. _

_I watch as dreamDamon flashes across the room and backs her into the wall, the predatory glint in his eyes clearly turning Elena on. She's enthralled as she gazes up at him, eyes wide open, dark, glittering. I can barely breath as he slips his fingers under the tip top of the cups of her bra and then suddenly rips it down the center, baring her before me for the first time. _

_Fuck, she's so beautiful. I just want to reach out and touch her. Take those beautiful breasts in my hands, they're perfect, exquisite..._

_"Damon," she growls, as dreamDamon begins to press kisses against her throat, moving his way down the column of her neck. "I'm going to have no bras left if you keep..."_

_She loses her train of thought as he cups a breast in his hand, bringing his mouth down to her nipple, biting gently, and she lets out a keening wail, her head dropping back against the stone of the bathroom wall, arching her breast further into his mouth. _

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. That noise was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, I want to make her make that noise, all the time. All the fucking time. I want to barricade us naked inside of a room and never ever ever come out. _

_dreamDamon switches to her other breast and she rolls her hips against him, panting, her hands clenched tightly in his hair as she holds him to her chest. "God, Damon, I love it when you do that..."_

_dreamDamon pulls back and kisses along her jaw before capturing her mouth with his in a long, hard kiss. _

_"I love that you love it when I do that..." he whispers. Good to know that this Damon is just as pussy whipped by her than I am. Maybe even more since it seems that there might actually be some actual pussy in their relationship._

_She reaches down to fumble with his belt buckle as he strips off his shirt and tosses it aside, and I can tell the moment that she's successful because he lets out a loud hiss as her fingers wrap around him._

_"Fuck, Elena" he gasps, his forehead dropping to her shoulder. "Christ, babe, I am not going to last if you keep doing that, I am way too turned on..."_

_I want that. I want her hands on my cock, her teeth nipping at my chest just like hers are doing to him. I want that predatory look in her eyes as she looks up at him. I want that more than I can even put into words. _

_She drops to her knees in front of him, and I think I might lose my mind. Is the really going to? Oh my god, please god, please god, please... I want this memory. I need this visual to keep me going. I am sick man, I know, but please god..._

_Elena pushes dreamDamon back against the sink, and she pulls his jeans the rest of the way down. He's commando - obviously, and I almost die right along with him when she takes him in her hand and begins to stroke up and down his length._

_I have **never** been so turned on in my entire life. I am deviant man, a deviant sexual vampire. I have had threesomes, foursomes, eightsomes. I have taken part in mass orgies in the sixties, dabbled in BDSM in the eighties, fuck, I've even been with man, or two, in the nineties. I have known virtually every sexual pleasure known to man, and I would trade every single fucking one of those moments to be dreamDamon right now. _

_Elena leans in, and licks along his length gently, and I hear dreamDamon whimper in joy. It suddenly feels totally and utterly surreal in here as I watch her suck him into her mouth, bobbing up and down, the only noises her sucking and his moans of pleasure. They are fucking insanely hot. And I get that it's totally weird since I'm technically looking at myself... but shit - we're fucking hot. I'm pretty sure if someone filmed this it would be the best porn film of all time. We're beautiful, who wouldn't want to watch us? We put everyone else to fucking shame!_

_dreamDamon, clutches handfuls of her hair in his fingers clearly trying his best to hold onto his sanity, until finally, in one swift movement, he hauls Elena up against him, sealing his mouth to hers as they begin to devour each other. _

_dreamDamon unbuttons her jeans and without even tearing apart from each other, they manage to shimmy her jeans and thong down her legs and kick them aside. Clearly they're practiced at this. I hate him._

_Naked. Elena is naked, completely and utterly naked in front of me...and dreamDamon. This is incredible. A dream. Literally - I chuckle to myself. She is amazing, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. They break apart for a moment for her to catch her breath, her gorgeous breasts heaving up and down as she gulps in air._

_"Elena, I don't know how I got so lucky, but god, I thank whatever deity exists every single fucking day that you chose me," dreamDamon whispers, completely in awe of the creature in front of him. I totally know the feeling. She is amazing. She is a gift from fucking heaven. I want her. So fucking badly._

_"Me too, Damon," she murmurs back, a tear forming at the corner of her eye, "Me too."_

_She climbs up onto the edge of the counter and leans back, totally on display, for him, and for me, legs spread wide. Fucking christ. I take a mental picture of the goddess in front of me, and watch as she beckons him closer to her. "Take me, Damon, I'm yours..."_

_The same phrase as earlier, and I see dreamDamon's eyes get a little watery too. Clearly this means something to them. He steps forward, positions himself at her entrance, leans down to kiss her, and slides home in one long thrust as she cries out into his kiss._

_I watch as she immediately wraps her legs around his waist, her hands twining into his hair, holding him desperately to her as he thrusts into her over and over. _

_"Fuck," she cries out, breaking away from him, throwing her head back as he seems to hit that certain spot inside her. dreamDamon smiles wickedly at her, repositioning her hips slightly so that every thrust hits her just where she wants it the most. "Oh...fuck, Damon!"_

_I watch as worships her, his eyes drink in everything about her as he brings her higher and higher on the plane of ecstasy, her cries becoming more ragged, his thrusts less rhythmic, more primal. He worships her the same way that I worship her. He loves her the same way I love her. He fucks her the same way I want to fuck her. He's making love to her the same way I want to make love to her. I am mesmerized, astounded. This is so surreal._

_dreamDamon leans down and re-captures her lips with his for a second before kissing his way hotly down her neck, and across her chest, sucking a nipple back into his mouth. _

_She grasps his hair in her hands, pulling him back up to her neck, holding him there as she bucks against him, meeting him thrust for thrust. _

_"Do it, Damon," she pleads, pressing her hands into the back of his head, "I'm so close... fuck...Damon!"_

_"God, Elena, I fucking love you so much, babe," dreamDamon murmurs in awe, and I watch as his fangs drop and he bites gently into her neck, completely different from the savage thrusts going on further down. He brings one hand to her clit, flicking it as he takes the first pull of blood from her neck, and she loses it._

_I have never, ever, ever, ever in my life seen anything more beautiful than Elena orgasming. Her eyes are clenched shut, her head is thrown back, this strangled noise trying to escape from her throat as she clings to dreamDamon, holding him against her as if she would die without him._

_"Fuck, fuck, oh my god, oh my god...fuck, Damon," she pants out as the waves of pleasure roll through her. I can see as the orgasm sweeps through her. It's as if she lights up like a firework. It's fucking beautiful._

_"I love you so much, Damon..."_

_And my mind goes blank._

* * *

><p>I pull myself out of the dream, panting, aroused, and totally overwhelmed. What the fuck just happened in there? I look down at Elena, and she is still sleeping soundly, a relaxed smile plastered across her face. I can smell her arousal, and I can sense the relaxation in her muscles - her dream was not just a dream for her - and I am suddenly even more turned on.<p>

"And you think she doesn't want you..." My gaze snaps up to see Katherine perched delicately on the window seat, eyes glued to me and to Elena, a lazy grin plastered across her face.

I don't say anything - I don't have anything to say to her. I'm still stuck in my dream land with Elena.

"She wants you, Damon," Katherine purrs, "she may not be ready to admit it to Stefan outside of her dreams, or to herself outside of her dreams, but she wants you."

I continue to stare at her, open mouthed, still unsure of what to say, the reality still sinking in.

"Use this information well, Damon," Katherine says, her eyes, boring into mine as she jumps off the window seat and strides over to the bed, gently sinking down onto the other side. "Keep her and Stefan apart, he's mine. And she wants you."

Elena begins to stir, and in one movement, Katherine is up and out of the window, gone from the room as if she was never there.

I am frozen, totally unsure of what to do.

"Damon?" Elena is looking up at me, clearly still 99% asleep.

"Yeah, babe?" I whisper, and I want to smack myself the instant the endearment slips out of my mouth, she is going to kill me.

"You'll stay, won't you?" she asks, her arm wrapping around my stomach, my muscles quivering under her touch. She tugs on my shirt, pulling me down gently so that I am lying on the bed next to her, and she curls up against my shoulder, her head tucking itself under my neck.

She's got to still be asleep. There's no way she's conscious right now.

"Damon?" she questions again.

"I'm right here," I whisper softly against her hair. "I'll stay with you."

She lets out a satisfied little purr and settles against me, immediately asleep again.

What the fuck just happened?

I have no idea, but I'm sure it won't last past morning, so I better take advantage it while it lasts.

"I love you, Elena," I whisper softly when I am sure she's asleep. She doesn't move against me, and I smile into her hair, knowing my confessions is safe and sound.

"She loves you too, Damon," I hear Katherine's whisper floating through the breeze, and in spite of myself, I smile.

* * *

><p><strong>So... yeah? Thoughts? Reviews are love ;)<strong>


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